


The Varia Next Door

by RenegadeWarrior



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Almost Domestic Varia, Alternate Universe, And causes even more, Gen, M/M, Tsuna fixes everybody's problems, Tsuna is adorable, Tsuna is naive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenegadeWarrior/pseuds/RenegadeWarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU At the sound of loud noises, five-year-old Tsuna gazed out of his bedroom window only to see several moving trucks with an unfamiliar emblem. Follow along as Tsuna grows up with his strange terrifying new neighbors. Familial!Varia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Neighbors Are Royalty

There was rumbling outside. Lots and lots of rumbling. Like the sounds the garbage truck made every trash collection day. It sounded like there were ten of them out there.

Tsuna wrinkled his nose, his chubby face scrunching adorably as he rolled over and buried himself further under his covers.

Most of the rumbling had stopped now, but there were other sounds to replace it.

*CRASH*

Tsuna shot straight up, heart pounding as he tried to take in his surroundings.

The brunet slowly crawled to the edge of his bed and peeked out the window. Several moving trucks with a shield on each side were lined up and down the street. He could see men in suits and uniforms rushing about. Some were carrying boxes. Others were wheeling small handcarts or pushing trolleys with big bulky packages on them. Apparently some people had dropped a huge chair, and now they were arguing about what to do with it seeing as a leg had broken off. They sounded rather scared.

Tsuna's eyes widened, any thoughts of sleep rapidly fading away. Someone was moving into the Hanada's place next door! In fact, someone had not only bought the place three months ago, but had it torn down and rebuilt as well. It didn't even look like a house anymore.

Huge black metal double doors with golden handles and lion head knockers replaced the old red wooden one. The house itself, which had once looked like every other house in the neighborhood, was now a fancy stone monstrosity with multiple spirals, turrets, and points on the roof. Overall, it looked like a tiny castle. The front and back yards looked like they would not be out of place at a sprawling mansion, with their stone paths, multitudes of rose bushes, a gazebo in the back and the ornate topiaries surrounding the fountain in the front.

Even the surrounding white concrete walls that fenced in nearly every house in on this side of Namimori had been redone to match the stone sides of the castle. Black metal bars tipped with spikes topped off the top. The view of the yard itself was obstructed by imposing black barred gates guarding the start of the wide footpath leading to the castle doors. The only thing that was missing was a moat.

If Tsuna was a little older, he may have questioned how so much extravagance had been able to fit into such a tiny plot of land or how it had even been built so quickly.

 He saw the men going into that castle, for the word house would never do it justice, with their burdens and leaving without them for the next four weeks, but he never had any indication of who the new owner was. The new owner must be royalty though.Who else would be rich enough to build something like this? Not to mention the broken chair, which had looked suspiciously like a gold and red throne.

Whoever the new owner was, he hoped they would be nicer than the last family. The Hanada's daughter, six-year-old Hisako, had liked to throw rocks at him and often pulled his hair just for fun. Surely royal people, who would be far too busy doing royal people things, wouldn't have time to do such mean things to him too…right?


	2. The Neighbor Has Scary Eyes

Tsuna and all of his neighbors had gotten so used to the movers scurrying around to the point that the lack of noise was what had awakened the young brunet.  A funny feeling was telling him to get up and see what was outside, but he was too comfortable to move.  The room was cast in a light blue gloom signifying the pre-dawn.  Enough light to see things, but not enough to make out the finer details.

For a few more minutes, he contemplated on going back to sleep, but the nagging feeling wouldn’t let him, so he sighed and crawled to the foot of his bed to take a look.

The sun was starting to rise, casting an orange glow onto the streets below.  There were lines of black cars with tinted windows in place of the moving vans now and an especially long one was parked right in front of the flagstone path leading to the front doors of the castle; the black gates pulled wide open. 

The rich people on TV always got to ride in those long cars.  What were they called again? Lim-limo-lima..seen?  Lima Bean?  That’s was it! Rich people rode in Lima Beans!  Whoever was in that Lima Bean must be the King or Queen of the castle!

Someone came out of the driver’s side of the Lima Bean and walked around it to open the door on the other side. 

A leather boot touched the newly swept sidewalk first.  Black leather clad limbs followed as a second boot stepped out.  The figure was tall and dark.  Dark shoes, dark clothes, dark hair and an overall dark demeanor.

He looked like a man though and just by watching the man Tsuna somehow knew that this was the King.  Maybe it was the way he held himself as he observed the castle or the way everyone else scrambled and lined up, opening gates and doors alike as he took a step forward, but there was no mistaking his kingliness.

However, the King had only moved far enough for the chauffeur to close the door of the Lima Bean behind him when his eyes snapped up to meet the little boy’s.

Moments passed and Tsuna stared back unflinchingly into ruby red eyes.  Then they narrowed, the dawn light giving them an otherworldly glow, and suddenly the boy squeaked in surprise, ducking out of view and back under his blanket.

He shivered, his heart still pounding.

So that was a King.

So scary.


	3. The Neighbor is an Empty Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current Ages:  
> Tsuna-5  
> Xanxus-15

Tsuna would never know it, but when Xanxus had first laid eyes on him, he had seen glowing orange orbs squarely meeting his crimson ones. The teen would write it off as a trick of the dawning light coupled with his own jet lag until years later, when an eye opening incident would once again bring the memory to the forefront of his mind.

For now however, Xanxus pushed the matter into the back of his mind.  He couldn’t really bring himself to care enough to be curious.  Then again, he couldn’t really bring himself to care about much of anything these days.  As he gazed upon the thick ornate metal cuffs, one for each arm, he could feel the familiar tide of anger and fury rising.  The usual consuming burn of his flames welling up from within.  But just as quickly as it rose, it drained away leaving him numb and empty.  That seemed to be all he felt nowadays.  All that he could feel.  He could barely muster up enough energy to even feel annoyance anymore.  So he just stopped.  Stopped caring.  Stopped feeling.

Life was lethargic and empty now.  Just like him.  His eyes ignored the heavy metal bands snuggly fitted around his wrists.  He had had practice.  There was no point in looking anyways.  He knew what he would see.  The dark orange stones, five for each cuff, would now be alight with an inner fire.  His inner fire.  His anger.  His feelings.  If he were to look, the bands would reignite his anger again and the stones would drain it-and everything else-all away again.  So he didn’t look and he didn’t care.  As long as he wasn’t angry, the stones wouldn’t drain him out completely.


	4. The Neighbor is a Recluse

Tsuna had never seen the King emerge from his castle since he moved in.  And if the gossiping of everyone else was anything to go by.  Then neither had anyone else.

The forbidding gates deterred many people and the King’s servants refused to let anyone in.  Not even those that brought neighborhood welcoming gifts.  All were turned away and their gifts politely (or at times forcefully) rejected.

For a while though, people had pestered those who lived around the castle about it.  They lived next door didn’t they?  Surely they must have seen some sign of their elusive neighbor.  When they asked Tsuna though, he was called a liar and people passed off his words as those of an attention seeking child.  No one would believe his tale of the dark King with red eyes who arrived in a Lima Bean at the crack of dawn.  So Tsuna learned to keep his mouth shut and stayed away from the jeers of the children and disapproving looks of the other adults.

Not even Mama believed him, saying that he must have been dreaming.

Tsuna was determined to prove that he was neither dreaming nor lying about the King, but first, he had to find him.


	5. The Neighbor is Made of Ashes and Coal

At a nearby park, Nana was far too busy chattering to the other parents to pay any attention to her son and none of the other kids ever wanted to play with Tsuna either so he was left to his own devices.  Spotting a big yellow butterfly, the boy followed it and wandered out of the park and across the street, unnoticed by everyone else.

That was when he saw _Him_.  It was the King!  He was sitting on a bench across from an old candy store.

He was wearing a red shirt this time, but he had the same pants and shoes.  The same tanned face that took in everything in a sort of distant, but regal manner.

Even if the King wasn’t wearing a crown, he couldn’t have been anything else.  He couldn’t explain it, but something from deep within continuously whispered that this person was different in a way that most people could never be.  And most people could never be kings.  It made perfect sense.

Besides, Tsuna was sure that even royalty needed to take off their crowns sometime.  He had seen pictures where they looked huge and heavy, all glittering gold or silver and filled with lots of shiny colorful rocks that Mama called jewels.  Tsuna knew that they were still rocks though and rocks were heavy. It would be tiring and uncomfortable to wear it all the time so it would make sense that if a King wanted to relax, then he would take off his crown.

But now that Tsuna was in front of him, he was starting to feel a little intimidated.  The King was big.  As big as Mama with none of her loving warmth.  Mama was like the sunshine, bright and happy. 

But there was a different sort of heat Tsuna could feel from him.  It was buried deep within, but even so, the boy instinctively knew that it would be a painful scorching heat not unlike the bonfire he had seen during a festival once.  It had looked so pretty from a distance, lighting up the dark night and Tsuna had cried when it had burned down to ashes.

Though there was nowhere near as much heat or light, Mama told him that beneath those cold looking ashes were rocks called coal glowing with the remnants of the fire.  If the coal cooled, it could be heated again and make an ember.   And if given more food (fuel Mama had called it), the ember would feed from it and grow into a big bonfire again. 

The King’s eyes lazily drifted down to him and Tsuna was reminded of the way the soft ashes had floated away lazily in the wind.  His dark eyes were as cool and as dark as unlit coal.  But in Tsuna’s eyes for just a split second, he saw the bonfire, hot and dangerous, but strong and bright enough to chase away the dark and all the scary things in it.  Somehow this made the King seem bigger than Mama-bigger than anyone-could ever conceivably be.  A bonfire was so much closer than the sun after all and the closer things were, the bigger they looked.

Tsuna blinked and the King became the burned out fire pit filled with ashes. There was no warmth at all…but…that didn’t mean that the coal couldn’t be relit.  That the bonfire couldn’t be brought back.  It was a shame for a bonfire not to burn because it was so pretty, but Mama had said that bonfires were dangerous if he got too close…

He couldn’t back down now though.   He had come this far and there was no way to know when the next time the King would emerge from his castle be.  So drawing up all the resolve he had, the little brunet looked straight into the King’s eyes.

* * *

Years later, Tsuna would understand that the King wasn’t as tame and controlled as a carefully prepared bonfire.  He was an all-consuming wildfire that had been reduced to ashes.  But starting a wildfire was just as easy, if not more so, as starting a bonfire.


	6. The Neighbor is Greeted by His Stupidly Weird Neighbor

Tsuna’s determination quickly faded once he realized that he was missing something very important. 

A gift!  Kings got gifts from visiting people all the time right?  Tsuna ignored the fact that this was not exactly the same situation as the ones his fairy tales.

Then he remembered the candy store across the street and the small coin pouch in the front pocket of his overalls.  Nana had given him just enough money to buy a small snack from one of the park’s vending machines if he got hungry. (Never mind the fact that he was too short to actually reach the buttons or feed the money into the slot.)

Tsuna could go without a snack for a bit.  While being a little hungry was uncomfortable, it was something that he had been getting used to lately.  This was more important than being hungry though.

This was a matter of giving a gift to the King!  He didn’t want to be rude and Tsuna was positive that no one had managed to make the King feel welcomed yet.

Tsuna set his face in the most serious expression he could muster, pleading with his eyes for the King to ‘Please wait for me’, before he about-faced and headed for the candy store.

* * *

For a full forty-three seconds, the puny piece of trash had dared to continue making eye contact with him.  Not that Xanxus was actually _counting_ , (of course he wasn’t, really) but that was a whole lot longer than most people had managed to do, especially in the last year or so.  He could count those on one hand.

In those forty-three seconds though, the little scum had somehow managed to express an entire spectrum of emotions from shock to awe to joy to despair to panic to inspiration to one of the most determined expressions he had ever had the misfortune to witness.

Then the brat turned around and made a beeline for the store across from him.  For a moment, Xanxus thought that he had been running away, but the last face the brat made stuck in his mind.  Not once had the little boy shown any sign of fear…

Damn it.  He must be losing his touch if even baby trash weren’t properly afraid of him anymore.  Or maybe the brat was just incredibly stupid…

Xanxus continued to watch as the boy made frantic hand movements to the old woman by the register who seemed to either be almost blind with the way she was squinting at him or was giving him the evil eye. 

She slowly made her way from the counter and was guiding the brunet around, pointing out different sweets which the boy seemed to contemplate or outright reject and by God could she move any slower?  At this rate, it would be nightfall before they were done.  Not that he had anything to do but…

Every now and then, the old lady would eye him suspiciously even as she kept up her sweet smiling face in front of her customer.  A year, hell a few months, ago, the teen would have hurled something, most likely sharp, heavy or hard or a combination of all three, at anyone who dared to look at him like that.  Now, all he felt like doing was drift along, never letting his emotions stew too long lest he get angry and lose everything again.  He’d rather die than feel that way, but there was no way he was going to do the cowardly thing and kill himself.  He wasn’t going to die.  Not before he-

“Thank you very much!”

The brat’s loud cheerful voice derailed his mental train, effectively yanking him from the dark path his thoughts were heading down, and consequently away from the wrath that threatened to bubble out again.

Finally!  The brat had picked something, but Xanxus, lost in his thoughts, had missed exactly what it was.

The old woman was patting him on the mass of hair atop his tiny adora-(Xanxus shot that word mid-thought with a mental manifestation of his guns) head with a grandmotherly look which snapped back to the squinty beady eyed one like a rubber band as soon as the brat’s back was turned.  He valiantly resisted the urge to sneer back at the archaic piece of trash and instead chose to focus his attention on the brat before him who was clutching a small purple tube in his hand.

Then the brat bowed down in front of him and presented before him the tube with both tiny hands.

“Welcome to Namimori…your Majesty.”

_‘The fuck?’_

* * *

**The candy store in here is one of those antique wooden ones where there is a single entrance way but no actual door.  You can look in and see the entirety at a glance because it’s that small.**


	7. The Neighbor Feels Something Different

It was another stare off.  Or it would have been if the brat in front him bothered to lift his fluf-messy, bird’s nest, trashy bush of hair because Varia, and more importantly Xanxus, did _not_ use words like fluffy.

Except maybe _that_ new trash that had joined the Varia shortly before he came here.  Xanxus refused to let his mind stroll down the path of memory lane to what he had seen in that other guy’s floral printed scrapbook and found that the best way to do so was to focus on the shrimpy brat before him.

The shrimpy brat who had just called him majesty.

Without looking up, Xanxus could feel the beams of the old woman’s laser like stare hitting him with all the force of Squalo’s voice.  He was adept at ignoring that too so as long as he didn’t acknowledge it, it wouldn’t irritate him.  Too much. Maybe.

The brat was still bowing but trembling from the effort to remain balanced and Xanxus was wondering if he would actually have to say something before the child fell over from how far he was bowing and start crying.

Actually…that was a tempting thought, but with their current proximity, that would mean that Xanxus would get tears and snot all over his expensive leather boots.  It just wasn’t the same when it was coming from someone that he hadn’t knocked down himself.

“Oi.”

The bushy hair tilted up and Xanxus was greeted with huge caramel eyes.  Huge _sparkly_ wide caramel eyes that shone with a light that he had only ever received from those who acknowledged the hard fight he had put up to gain acknowledgement.  It was Respect with a capital R.  And it made Xanxus a bit uncomfortable to see it in this tiny piece of trash who shouldn’t _couldn’t_ possibly know who or what he is, _was, has been_.  The last few words were violently shoved away with his considerable mental discipline and he forced his attention to focus on the boy.

“What?”  It was gruff and cold, but he couldn’t care less, focused as he was on keeping calm.

* * *

Tsuna flinched at the King’s harsh tone, but refused to look away.

“It’s a gift, your Majesty.”

The King narrowed his eyes and though Tsuna trembled, his resolve to properly welcome the other was still going strong. 

“Why?”

“Be-because you’re a King and it’s what neighbors do?”  The last bit came out as if Tsuna wasn’t exactly sure himself.

“And what the hell makes you think I’m your neighbor trash?” _Or a King?_

“I saw you!  With black cars lining the streets like paparazzi in the bushes, you came riding in on your Lima Bean and outran even the rising sun!”

The oddly poetic phrasing caused one dark brow to lift.  Then two particular words registered in his head and caused the other to as well. He stared down at the bewildering child.  No doubt about it.  Trash was stupid and only bred more stupidity to infect to the masses. 

“The fuc-“

“A~nnd,” the boy soldiered on, intent on keeping his momentum. “You’re different.  You live in a castle and ride in Lima Beans.  Only rich people can do that.  And I saw a big chair being carried in. It was huuuuggeee-” He stretched his arms as wide as he could.  “-and red and gold! It had to be a throne!  And-and you have to be the King because you’re different from everybody else.”

“…”

The trash was now pouting up at him in a determinedly (dare he think it?) cute way that said ‘Please believe me’ and ‘I know I’m right and you can’t change my mind’.  Xanxus hadn’t even known that such a thing was possible.  He had seen others pouting before, but he had blocked those memories for a reason. Some people just didn’t realize exactly how disturbing they were when they tried for ‘cute’.

They ended up in another staring match, this one lasting for minutes with Xanxus searching for answers to unknown questions and the boy refusing to look away, at least until the sounds of several women calling for their children drifted from the park.

“Ah!” Tsuna jumped up and shoved the candy onto Xanxus’ lap.  “I have to go now!  Bye your Majesty!” 

He gave another deep bow, nearly tipping over again, and set off towards the park in what had to be the slowest, sorriest excuse for a run the Varia member had ever seen.

Xanxus watched him go, ignoring the old woman, and then looked down at the purple and silver wrapped stick.  It looked like grapes were printed on it.

“Heh.  King huh?”  _I’ve still got it._

Something light and warm, foreign in its lack of anger and hatred, welled up within him.  It wasn’t quite happiness and it wasn’t quite pleasure either, but it wasn’t bad.  He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing, but it was something different and anything was better than that emptiness. 

With that, Xanxus picked up the candy and made the trek back to his castle-house.  House.  Not castle.   Goddammit.  He had been infected by the stupid. 

* * *

**The candy Tsuna got is called Frutips.  He got the small single roll with paper and foil wrapping instead of the big cardboard tube ones.  Also known as Rowntree's Fruit Pastilles depending where you buy it. The Asian markets that I’ve been to seem to only have Frutips though.**

**That old lady can read lips.  She will be making more cameo appearances in the future.**

**Nana is the airheaded sort of parent in this fic.  Not deliberately mean or anything, just sort of neglectful, careless and oblivious at times.**


	8. The Neighbor Owes a Debt

Xanxus twirled the roll of Frutips through his fingers like a baton as he slouched down on his thron-chair (Damn it.  He thought he got over that already.), careful to keep his eyes focused only on the candy as he read the mix of English letters and Chinese characters. 

Black Currant Pastilles…

What the hell, it’s not like the baby trash had the time or intention to tamper with it and he doubted the old bitch who sold it would have done anything to her own merchandise no matter how much she seemed to think he was some sort of criminal.  Which, to be fair, she wouldn’t have been wrong about.

He peeled back the wrapper and studied the sugar coated innards.  It was a single column of dark purple hard gummies, but they didn’t smell suspicious.  After spending another five minutes staring at the innocent piece being pinched between his thumb and finger due to his paranoia, he held it up to his face.

He was going to regret this wasn’t he.

With that he popped one into his mouth, letting himself get used to the texture. So far nothing special.  Just gritty, sweet and tougher than expected.  Then he bit it in half.

It was even worse than he thought, because it was completely, utterly, maddeningly, fucking _delicious._

He was right.  He really was going to regret this because now he owed the little shit a debt.

Because while Xanxus may be an ungrateful son of a bitch, he takes certain things like debts and honor very seriously.  As any proper member of the mafia should.

Xanxus spent the rest of the night trying to ration the rest of the Frutips.  Then he realized that whatever stupidity he had picked up from the baby trash was obviously still lingering in his system and just ordered an entire case online with overnight shipping.

* * *

**There’s a difference between Frutips from Hong Kong and Canada even the Nestle owns them both.  I’ve never had the Canadian ones, but people seem to like the HK ones better as these are the original flavors and the other is the new cheaper version that just doesn’t taste as good.**

**Adopted and raised by a loving father who treats him like his own even though he didn’t have to.**

**Reaction: Avoids at all cost and when he can’t, treats him like an ass.**

**Gets delicious candy from a weird stranger who thinks he’s a king.**

**Reaction: Now owes a debt (however minor) to said stranger.**

**Xanxus Logic.  Gotta love it.  Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to take candy from strangers Xanxus? XD**


	9. The Neighbor Owes an Even Bigger Debt

Xanxus didn’t realize it until he was nearly done with his gourmet and not at all Japanese breakfast, but he hadn’t felt that same blank apathy or soul wrenching emptiness since meeting the baby trash the day before.  Hadn’t even given a single damn thought about the cuffs on his wrists or the series of events that had left him nearly bereft of everything that made him _him_ and exiled to some out of the way villa in the middle of fuck knows where like the unwanted son of some rich bastard’s mistress.

Granted he got to choose the location and he was pretty sure that only the highest sanctioned circle of the Vongola and Varia knew where he was but fuck if he wanted to be pissed about it all, then he was going to be pissed about it all…or he would if he wasn’t feeling like he was about to be drained again. 

His rage was building again and so were his flames.  He could feel it rising towards the threshold that would activate the cuffs and take away everything and no amount of hasty meditation or repetitive breathing techniques were going to stop it.  Fuck.  He was going to be out of it for at least a few days.

The servants knew better than to be around him any more than they had to.  Even if he was about to be turned into an empty walking breathing shell, that didn’t mean that he still couldn’t flip and throw shit at everyone in the moments before it happened.

The nearly finished tube of Frutips caught his eye from just beyond his fist on the table.  The case he had ordered hadn’t arrived yet, so he had been saving some so that he wouldn’t have to go outside to buy more before it came.  He didn’t talk to the servants any more than he had to and he wasn’t about to for something as embarrassing as a craving for candy some random trash off the street had given to him.

The cuffs were lighting up just a little and he could see the foil reflecting just the slightest tinge of orange.

It brought back memories of the brat who must have been the same little boy that had been watching him move in that one nearly forgotten morning with those bright glowing eyes.

_“Welcome to Namimori…your majesty.”_

The memories of annoyance and confusion and not quite happiness and not quite pleasure, but not bad thing…and the _delightful_ taste of blackcurrant Frutips…

Xanxus found himself clutching what was left of the tube and chewing on a gummy.

He looked down at the tube again.  About two inches were left.  And he was still in possession of his emotions and his thoughts.

….what just happened?  He had never been able to stop the drain when he was so close to the edge before.

Could it be?  Did he actually just find a solution?  From a piece of candy from a piece of trash that he fucking _still_ didn’t know the name of?

Now he really owed the brat.  Big time.  But fuck.  Why did this unforeseen counter to the drain have to involve him being infected by stupidity?

* * *

**Xanxus has found a counter!  He believes that he must be exposed to stupidity for it to work.  Which to be fair…that’s kind of true…in a roundabout way…**

 

 


	10. The Neighbor Is The Person Your Parents Usually Set The Police On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xanxus is still upper echelon Varia despite his probation and he is also upper echelon Vongola because he is adopted by Nono. All this means is that he’s twice as likely to be lacking in both common sense and decent courtesy among other things. 
> 
> Warning for slight animal cruelty.

The little brat lived right next door.  How hard could it be to catch him alone to give him something? 

Very hard apparently.

When he headed off to school, he was always with either an entire group of neighborhood kids who were chaperoned by at least two adults and when he came back, he was either with the same group or with a young long haired brunette who could have either been his mother or older sister.

Being somewhere around four or five, maybe even six or seven if he was stretching it, Xanxus figured that he’d be let out earlier than the older kids and would probably be brought back to the same park as it was the closest one to their respective houses.

So he spent every afternoon and early evenings after all the local daycares and elementary schools had closed, hanging around the entrance way and watching the kids running around screaming their heads off or just lounging on the same bench where he had first met the little brat.

The wrinkled old fart who ran the candy store was still squinting suspiciously at him every time he showed up, but as he had his own stock of Frutips stashed away in his jacket at all times, Xanxus could derive some minor pleasure from eating it in front of her whenever he felt his irritation rising.  How did she feel knowing that he was taking his money elsewhere?  Serves her right for pissing him off.

But damn if his teeth weren’t going to make him pay for this later.  That brat had better show up soon.  Preferably before he got a cavity because he was pretty sure no amount of candy was going to soothe his rage at getting one in the first place.

* * *

Over two weeks of surveillance tapes had been recorded and compiled for their boss until he had practically memorized the day-to-day schedule of one Sawada Nana and her young and only child, Sawada Tsunayoshi. 

For Yamaguchi Souta, it was all he could do not to wince whenever Xanxus went out to stare at hordes of children from a distance for hours on end or lurk like a potential flasher in some hidden alley as he stalked the two person family around town until they returned to their house.  After which, he would retire to his room to watch the screens displaying footage of every possible way of leaving the little house next door.  It was almost like he was staking out a target for an assignment.

Yamaguchi had offered to do background checks and arrange for anything Xanxus wanted to be taken care of, but he really didn’t want to have to do anything that would throw even more suspicion and attention on them.  Murder and/or abduction was generally a good way to do both. Especially in a small town like this.

Xanxus didn’t want that sort of information though for some reason. It seemed like this was something personal that he had to take care of himself.  He was unusually stubborn and surly about it too, but just when it seemed like the volatile teen was going to lose his temper and be drained again, he’d pop another piece of that purple candy into his mouth and swiftly return to his room.  However Xanxus managed to find it in the first place didn’t matter so much as the fact that it was clearly working miracles.

Yamaguchi made sure to keep an entire cabinet constantly filled with Frutips and then doubly sure to make the others keep their speculations and theories quiet enough that it wouldn’t come to Xanxus’ attention. 

Most of it was that Cupid’s arrows had finally found their mark in his tiny, if not nonexistent heart, and Xanxus had somehow fallen in love with the seemingly single mother at first sight.  That she was the one who had started his obsession with that delicious foreign candy.  Everyone knew that he was also somewhat socially retarded and probably didn’t know how to deal with his newfound feelings so he took to stalking her as opposed to trying to court her like a proper gentleman.

Yamaguchi wasn’t so sure about that however. There was a reason he was in charge of the day-to-day runnings in this household and not one of the others.  Because every time Yamaguchi followed the same path as that crimson stare, he noticed that it wasn’t so much focused on the woman as it was on her adorable, sweet, clumsy, innocent, and _five-year-old_ son.  That gaze that held an intensity that he hadn’t seen since before the incident that had led to Xanxus being cuffed. 

That gaze scared him in ways that he didn’t want to think about.

That poor, poor child.  What must he have done in a past life to draw the attention of a demon like Xanxus?

* * *

It had been exactly seventeen days, twelve hours, and thirty-two minutes since Xanxus had begun his crusade to pay off his debt to the five-year-old Sawada Tsunayoshi.  It was a long and tedious struggle though and he was getting tired of following them around constantly.  Surveillance had shown that the mother was occupied with someone on the phone to whom she was cooing back sweet nothings to.  Probably her out of town husband or some unknown lover.

Sawada was an interesting name, but a fairly common one here.  The head of CEDEF had that same surname, but Xanxus didn’t know if he had any kids, much less a wife.  Come to think of it, the shape of little brat’s hair tickled the faintest edge of a memory.  Why was that?  Where did he see it before?  Who did it remin-?

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!!”

Xanxus paused halfway out the gate of the castle boundaries and-God damn it!  Why the fuck was he still calling this place a castle?!

He tore his thoughts away to focus on the shrieks of terror that was coming from around the corner, easily masking the pounding of rubber soles on the sidewalk that was fast approaching. 

Xanxus continued to stand there and watch as his target finally appeared.  Shrieking at the top of his lungs and moving considerably faster than the first time he was seen running as he was being chased by a terrifyingly fearsome…Chihuahua…

The teen’s expression never changed as he watched the boy trip over thin air, tumble head over heels like an acrobat, and finally hit the stone wall with a solid THWACK only to knock himself out right in front of leather booted feet.

The Chihuahua who had only wanted to play with her favorite human child whined as she pawed at Tsuna’s prone body and tried to wake him.

Xanxus continued to watch them for a moment before he sent a sharp spike of killing intent at the tiny dog.  She instantly froze and met his narrowed eyes with a bold look, lifting her lips in a snarl as she took a protective stance in front of the unconscious boy.

He intensified it in the hopes that the dog would get scared and leave before he decided to resort to other measures.  Like booting her across the street. 

She was clearly terrified, her eyes bulging and rolling as she trembled and began to froth at the mouth, but she refused to leave the brat alone with the threat.

Said unconscious boy woke up, took one look at the frothing wild-eyed Chihuahua and the glaring ‘King’ and passed out again with a quiet shriek.

Teen and dog spared the boy one glance before they went back to glaring at each other.

Xanxus bent down, snagging the dog by the back of her neck when she lunged at him, half in panicked terror, half in some desperate attempt to keep the bigger human away from her companion.  He was close enough that he could read the name on the metallic pink dog tag hanging from the Chihuahua’s green vine patterned collar.  The kanji for _Rosebud_ was engraved on it.

“Listen up you stupid little bitch.  I need that brat for something right now, but after I’m done you can have your baby trash back.  Alright?  He’ll even be in one piece and everything.”

It was probably the nicest thing he had ever said to anyone including his father and brothers.  Fuck.  Being away from active duty was making him soft.  But a little bitch like this clearly had more balls than a good two-thirds of the Vongola.  It was almost admirable even.

Something in his tone or eyes must have reassured her, because she stopped growling at him and even tried to lick his hand.  To which Xanxus responded by flinging her far away and grabbing the back Tsuna’s hoodie to pick him up.

Rosebud landed with a yelp and scrambled back up as quickly as she could.  She made it back just in time for Xanxus to close the gates right in her face.  Unlike the one at the Sawadas, the base of the black gates here were filled with ornate curls and intricate swirls of metal.  There wasn’t enough room for her to squeeze through the bars like she usually did whenever she felt like going to anyone else’s house.

The threatening human only spared her the briefest of sneers before walking away with her playmate in tow.

* * *

When Xanxus returned only minutes after leaving with an unconscious familiar little boy dangling from his hand like a dead body and a clearly agitated Chihuahua barking up a storm at the front gate, Yamaguchi could only do his best to keep his face stuck in his default expression lest the horror he felt would show and cause Xanxus to do something rash or stupid.  Again.

* * *

**OC Profiles**

**Yamaguchi Souta-The man who is basically in charge of running the Varia household in Namimori.  He’s about middle ranked, but loyal to Xanxus and higher up than the rest of the servants that are tasked with the upkeep of the tiny castle.  He’s a native Japanese citizen and thus knows the customs and culture better than the others so it’s his job to keep them from drawing too much unwanted attention to the house’s main occupant.  Poor guy.  This situation is really turning into more than he gets paid to handle.**

**Rosebud the Chihuahua- Really _really_ likes Tsuna for some unknown reason and keeps sneaking into his yard to play with him.  Seems to think that he’s playing a game with her whenever he runs away.  Tsuna has no idea why she keeps singling him out of all the other children, including her owners. She also seems like him better than her owners too even though they spoil her.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many different title choices that I went through before settling on this one. These included The Neighbor is: ‘A Creeper’, ‘A Kidnapper’, ‘A Stalker’, and ‘Suspicious’ among others. I ended up using the ‘all of the above’ option.


	11. The Neighbor Waits

Tsuna woke up to find the toes of his sneakers just barely brushing a thick red carpet.  It was sort of hard to breathe what with the way his entire weight was pressed tightly against his hoodie.  His struggles to relieve the pressure resulted in his face meeting the carpet.  It was softer than he expected but still hurt a bit. 

With a groan he pushed himself up to look around.  The first thing he noticed were a pair of black pointed shoes as shiny as a beetle’s wings.  He followed the shiny black shoes up to crisply pressed black slacks and even further up to a black vest atop a charcoal grey shirt with gunmetal grey cufflinks.  The bright red tie was the only bold color on the man’s entire ensemble.  Even the man’s hair was black and nearly as shiny as his shoes.

He appeared to be just as wary and confused as Tsuna himself.  Then the brunet noticed that there was another presence right behind him.  His face lit up when he realized who it was.

“Your majesty!”

Behind him, Yamaguchi struggled not to let his jaw drop.  The few servants who had stopped to watch the spectacle didn’t fair as well.

Tsuna got up only to execute his usual clumsy bow.

“Stand up straight.” 

Tsuna stood up as straight as he could.  He beamed up at the teen.

“...”

Xanxus stared down at the little boy who continued to fearlessly maintain eye contact with his crimson scrutiny.

Around the room, no one else dared to move or even breathe. Any servant that was in one of the many corridors just outside the entrance hall wisely chose not to enter.

“Follow me.  We’ve got business to discuss.”  Then his gaze snapped to Yamaguchi who jerked out of his stupor and snapped out a salute instinctively.

“Sir!”

“You.  Come with us.  The rest of you...”  He turned his inspection to the rest of the staff. “Get back to work.” It came out as a dark growl that had everyone scrambling to look busy. 

From below, the little brunet continued to watch him with awe.  So this is what a King was like when he orders his servants around.  How thrilling!

The teen looked down and Tsuna realized that the King was expecting him to come without question.  Somehow he got the message across that he understood and the King turned and strode away, neither of them saying a word.

At the back of the hall was a wide staircase that split like a T at the top to lead into two different unseen halls.  The steps were made of black marble with streaks of white running through it and the rails were thick yet elegantly carved and inlaid with gold. 

Tsuna followed Xanxus and the butler (for that was surely what the man was) up the steps, doing his best to keep up while trying to take in everything at once.  Which was how he managed to miss the second to last step from the top and tumble back down an entire story’s worth of stairs.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!”

His panicked shriek echoed around the hall as he fell and Yamaguchi felt himself moving without thinking, the horror of knowing that he wouldn’t make it in time sinking in even as he dashed down the stairs three steps at a time.  Visions of the innocent child staring up at the vaulted ceiling with sightless eyes flashed across his mind.

At the bottom floor, the stunned brunet laid on the thick red carpet, winded but still alive. 

Tsuna sat up, wobbling a bit.  All around him, the servants were approaching and asking him if he was alright, but the child didn’t notice.  His attention captured entirely by the King waiting at the top of the staircase. 

In the moment of when Tsuna was first free-falling, all he could see was the pit of coals, but unlike their first meeting, he thought he could see the faintest of glows coming from one of them. The King hadn’t moved since he turned to watch Tsuna tumble back to the bottom.  He had continued to watch every movement then and after with those dark crimson eyes.  They never showed the slightest hint of concern or scorn, just a steady look that said that he was waiting.

Waiting…that’s right!  He shouldn’t keep the King waiting! 

“…alright?  Little boy?”

Tsuna blinked back into awareness and realized that the butler was asking him if he was okay. 

“Mmm!” He nodded.  “Thank you for asking Butler-san!”  Because it was only polite to thank people who were concerned for your health.

Then he got up and clambered his way back up the stairs until he made it to the top.  The King continued to stare down at him and Tsuna found that he was right.  There was definitely a piece of coal that had been lit.  It was only one and while there were so many that he couldn’t even begin to count them, it was a start.

For a few more seconds, they continued to watch each other, exchanging thoughts in a silent language that only the two of them were privy to.  Then Xanxus grunted and turned without word, continuing down the left corridor.  Tsuna grinned happily even though he had to jog to keep up with the teen’s steady gait.

Yamaguchi, who had trailed behind the child to make sure that they wouldn’t have a repeat of the stair incident, could only shake his head in bewilderment.  How had the kid not broken his neck or anything else for that matter?

“Ooomph!”

Heart leaping into his throat, Yamaguchi watched as the boy tripped over absolutely nothing only to land flat on his face.  Xanxus stopped walking and continued to watch him with the same blank expression that he had when the boy fell down the steps.

With a shake of his head, the brunet was back on his feet and smiling at the boss as if Xanxus had bent down to help him up himself.  There was no anger or annoyance from the violent teen either, just a patient acceptance that it would take a bit longer to reach the room than he had originally planned.

Yamaguchi still wasn’t sure whether to consider the child as the luckiest or unluckiest person he had ever met.  As he watched the clumsy child trip for the third time, he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to decide anytime soon either.


	12. The Neighbor Attempts to be Polite

They were in Xanxus’s room.  More specifically they were in the room that would lead into Xanxus’s room.  His personal room’s living room as it was.  It was nearly the size of the entire upper floor of Tsuna’s house.

There was a throne, big and plush and befitting of a king, but not the one that Tsuna had seen.  Not the one with the broken leg.  He wondered where it went.  Hopefully they managed to fix it because it was such a pretty gold and red color.  This one was black with deep burgundy cushion.

The King took a seat on the throne in front of a heavy black colored coffee table.  There were more ornate designs on it but Tsuna couldn’t make them out because he was simply more focused on the powerful presence reclining in his rightful seat.

“Sit.” Ordered the King as he jabbed at the rather tall couch across from him.

Tsuna ended up struggling just to hoist himself onto the seat and Yamaguchi desperately wanted to help the child but feared that Xanxus would not be pleased, or worse, get angry.

Finally Tsuna managed to make it and turned around to face Xanxus. 

There was another few heartbeats of silence and then the King straightened and Tsuna knew he was about to speak.

* * *

Xanxus opened his mouth to address his neighbor.

“Tra-…”  He stopped.  And tried to start again.  “Scu-…”

_…Is…is he trying not to insult the boy?_

“Ba-“

_Boss!_

Yamaguchi clenched his hands, trying to telepathically send words of encouragement.

_You can do it Boss!  It’ll be fine._

Xanxus’s face looked just like the time he had tried to bite one of those extra-large jawbreakers in half.  The ones that some people couldn’t even fit into their mouths. It was fierce with concentration (and rather terrifying to be honest) and Yamaguchi seriously hoped that young Tsunayoshi wouldn’t burst into tears.  He had seen men ten times older than the little boy do so, but ended up doing a double take when he realized that the boy was actually staring back just as intently with no trace of fear. 

  _Come on Boss!  You’re almost there!_

“B-“

_Just say it.  Say boy!_

“Brat.”

Yamaguchi nearly cried.

_So close yet so far…_

“Brat.” Repeated Xanxus as if he was reaffirming that he had actually managed to call the boy something other than Baby Trash or Scum. He seemed to be almost pleased with himself. Tsuna just smiled at being addressed, a guilelessly cheerful expression pasted across his chubby cheeks.

“Yes your majesty?”

Yamaguchi took a deep breath to steel himself.  It seemed that the next part of this nerve-wracking situation was about to begin. 


	13. The Neighbor Repays His Debt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna continues to be ridiculously charming, Yamaguchi continues to suffer and Xanxus finally manages to repay his debt. It only took him the better part of a month to do it.

More penetrating silence filled with room and Yamaguchi suspected that this was going to be a usual thing throughout the entire conversation…or lack of. 

Xanxus leaned forward and Tsunayoshi mirrored his actions, unnervingly still as he waited in anticipation.

“Alright brat.  What do you want?”

Apparently this was a question that no one was expecting.

Tsuna blinked at the same time as Yamaguchi.

“What do I want?”  He pointed to himself, tilting his head in the manner of puzzled puppies posted all across the internet. 

“Yeah.  Jewelry.  Wine.  Clothes.  Name it.”

_Boss…most kids don’t care about those things.  Even money is debatable at his age._

“Um…nothing really.  I don’t want any of that.”

_See?_

Xanxus narrowed his crimson eyes and Tsuna just continued to look adorably confused.

“There has to be something.  Everyone wants one thing or another.  I need to pay you back for the candy.”

“Did you like it?”

For several heavy seconds, Xanxus remained silent before he finally gave a gruff “Yeah.”  It came out as more of a grunt than an actual word but apparently it was good enough for the boy.

“Then you don’t need to get me anything.”  Tsuna shook his head, fluffy locks waving about.  “A king moved in next door and I got to meet him and he liked the candy I got him.  I got everything I wanted already.”  He smiled as if he had achieved something great in life. Which, to be honest, he actually had, but not for the reasons he thought he did.  It was almost like a fan being able to personally hand over a gift to their favorite celebrity who also genuinely _liked_ it.

Yamaguchi was in awe. 

_What…what a pure and selfless child._

This wasn’t good enough for his boss though.  He was determined to pay him back in some tangible way and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

_Please don’t make him cry.  Please don’t make him cry.  Please don’t…_

The mantra repeated itself over and over in Yamaguchi’s head.

At this point in time, Squalo would usually step in to cover for his lack of skills in the social department, but…Squalo wasn’t here.  Xanxus ruthlessly squashed the pang of (irritation? longing? loneliness?) whatever it was that usually came with the thought of his absent right-hand (and best friend) and furiously tried to think of something that would appeal to a five year old brat.

He thought back to his own less than pleasant childhood…and quickly shunted those memories away as well.  No doubt, this soft civilian child who had had a completely different upbringing would have completely different wants.  As was evident by the way he was completely satisfied with just talking to Xanxus.  If it was him, Xanxus would be milking this situation for all that it was worth.

Sharp eyes darted to the only other figure in the room who could be of use.

Luckily, Yamaguchi did not need words to understand exactly what Xanxus needed right now.

He cleared his throat to ensure that the child’s attention would fall on him.

“Little boy.”

“My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, Butler-san.” The boy chirped. “But Mama calls me Tsu-kun.  Or you can call me Tsuna.  That’s what everybody at school calls me.”

“I-ah. Yes.  Tsunayoshi-san then?”

When there was no protest, Yamaguchi took that to mean that it was okay.

“Do you like ice cream?”

From the way young Tsunayoshi’s face lit up, it was clear that he did.

* * *

Yamaguchi gave praise to the genius that had designed this place.  There was an elevator disguised as part of the ornate paneling not far from the boss’s door and with the push of a button hidden in the engravings, the walls would open to reveal it.

It led straight from the hallway to the kitchens downstairs and was how the servants (usually Yamaguchi himself since he had the next highest rank) brought meals to Xanxus in a more than timely manner. 

Whether the boss knew of its existence or not was anyone’s guess, but he never asked and no one ever said, but no one ever wanted to risk death by blunt force trauma (also known as wine bottles) to the head.

* * *

“No way.  Boss did what?”

“I can’t believe it.  I just can’t believe it.”

“He blew all our expectations clean out of the water.”

“That’s the boss for you!”

“Maybe his love won’t be unrequited after all.”

Conversation stopped as everyone turned to stare at the last speaker.

“…you’re right.  It was a stupid idea, but a man can dream can’t he?”

There were nods all around as the others gave murmurs of various stages of agreement.

It was then that Yamaguchi stepped into the kitchen.

“What are you all doing?  Are the preparations done?”

“Oh! Yamaguchi!”

“Sir!”

He looked at all the faces –eager with anticipation- surrounding him and sighed.

“Alright.  I’ll bite.  But make it quick or the boss will have all of our heads.”

Not that he couldn’t guess.  It had been the hottest topic for weeks now and he doubted that it was going to die anytime soon.

“Is it true? Is the boss really trying to make nice with that Sawada woman’s kid?”

He was sort of hesitant to answer given that he had no idea as to where this conversation was going, just that it was bound to be completely wrong.  And appallingly stupid.

“Yes.”

“Damn.  I just lost ten thousand yen.”

“What are you bitching about?  I just lost my autograph from Cesare Bovo.”

“Why did you even bet that?  You only brag about it every other hour every _single_ day.”

“Because Damien was going to bet his…”

Conversation derailed as everyone began to voice complaints over their lost bets.  No one had ever thought that the boss would try to win over his first love’s heart by winning over her son first.  It was an ingenious plan because when Xanxus did anything, he did it with high expectations of success.  Surely he was already thinking about how to raise the boy as his own once he managed to make the woman his wife.  Sadly, no one really expected him to succeed at this endeavor but it was fun to bet about anyways.

Yamaguchi face-palmed.

“Just…just make sure everything is ready and for heaven’s sakes, don’t gawk like imbeciles.  I need to hurry back and make sure the boss doesn’t accidently scar the boy for life.”

Not that he was really expecting that to happen.  In the short while Yamaguchi had known him, he had come to find that Sawada Tsunayoshi was an amazingly (almost inhumanely so) resilient being.  Still, it was better to be safe than sorry.

* * *

Tsuna kicked his feet which were dangling nearly a foot off the ground.  He just realized that he was still wearing his shoes and panic shot through him.  He had forgotten to _Take. Off. His. Shoes_.  What would the King think?

But wait! Butler-san and the King were still wearing theirs so maybe it was okay.  Maybe this was how things went inside castles.  Tsuna furiously thought back to his book of fairy tales and realized that yes, the people in the pictures almost always wore shoes inside.

*THUNK*

The King had just planted his booted feet on top of the coffee table, looking as relaxed as he ever did.

Castle life really was different. 

* * *

The butler soon returned with a gold and platinum pushcart covered by an impossibly white sheet. On top of it were two gold domes covering gold serving trays and a large ice bucket holding three bottles of wine.  Tsuna noticed the fancy engravings on the ends of both the cart and tray handles.  They were the same pictures that he had seen on those moving vans all those months ago.  Maybe this was the King’s symbol?

Then three more men followed him in pushing slightly less ornate silver carts with them.  They were larger and much more bulky.  Tsuna eyes widened when the cloths were pulled off to reveal freezer carts with a glass panel on either side that displayed several tubs of ice cream.  The last was entire filled with fruits, nuts and sauces, toppings for the ice cream.

“Tsunayoshi-san.”  Yamaguchi lifted off one of the domes by its crystal handle to reveal several crystal goblets laid out on a napkin embroidered in gold.  “I’m sorry, but these are currently the only seventy-seven flavors we have.  If there is anything not to your liking, we can go out and find something that will suit your palate.”

Tsuna’s wide caramel eyes might have been the cutest thing the servants had ever seen.  While he was distracted Yamaguchi served Xanxus his wine with one of the goblets (and prayed that Xanxus wouldn’t need the others because he decided to throw his at someone.)

Xanxus didn’t flinch when Tsuna turned those eyes to him next; didn’t say a word either, but somehow a conversation of some sort had passed and Tsuna was smiling as he scrambled off the couch to orbit the ice cream carts.

“Which one would you like?” asked the first man who did his best not to coo over the child.

“I don’t know what you have.  I can’t read the flavors.”

Yamaguchi exchanged glances with the other cart pushers, hyper aware of the way Boss was watching them, before he began to read each one aloud.

“I still don’t know…they all sound good.”

“…then why don’t you try one of each.” Suggested Yamaguchi.

Ice Cream Man One and Ice Cream Man Two both lifted up their ice cream scoops with a helpful smiles.

“But-but I can’t eat that much!”  Tsuna protested in an adorably aghast way. “Mama said it’s bad to waste food.”

“…”

The scoops were hesitantly lowered and Tsuna wibbled out an apology.

“I’m sorry…”

Xanxus narrowed his eyes and Yamaguchi scrambled to fix the problem before it turned into a completely different one.

“It’s alright Tsunayoshi-san.  Look. Look!  We have scoops in smaller sizes.”

Ice Cream Man One and Two held up another scoop, about half the size of the first one.

Tsuna didn’t know how much seventy-seven scoops was (he couldn’t even count that high) but he could still tell that it would be too much with how long the list was.

“It’s still too big.”  Tsuna wilted even more. “Sorry.”

Ice Cream Man One and Two exchanged their scoops once more for the smallest one yet and Tsuna gasped.  It was the smallest ice cream scoop he had ever seen!  It was perfect!

Yamaguchi made a mental note to give the head chef a raise for having the foresight to stuff the melon ballers into their carts.  He made another mental note to put the rest of the staff through cuteness resistance training.  The men looked like they might melt into puddles of goo before they finished carrying out their duties.

When the bowl, packed with several tiny scoops of ice cream and topped off with a little of everything in the condiment cart, was finally filled, another problem cropped up.

There was no way for Tsuna to reach the bowl from the couch.  It would be inconvenient to just hold it and the boss still had his feet on the coffee table…and it seemed like he wasn’t going to be moving them anytime soon.

Tsuna settled that issue by himself by setting the bowl on the coffee table.  Yamaguchi seized a pillow off the couch and offered it to the boy just before he sat down and was blasted with an aura of good will and gratitude. 

“Thank you very much everybody!”

There was the sound of a squeal being strangled and Yamaguchi upped the urgency of getting that new training schedule set up.  Finally, there were only the three of them left and Yamaguchi sighed as quietly as he could.

“Mmmm~!”

After the first bite (a ball of Cookies and Cream), the boy squeezed his eyes shut as he squished his fists against his cheeks in delight.

“It’s so tasty~!”

“I’m so glad.”  Yamaguchi smiled, not even having to fake it.

Xanxus continued to silently sip at his glass having since started on his second bottle of wine.

“Ah!  I’m sorry your majesty.” 

Tsuna scooped three different balls (Strawberry, Birthday Cake, and Chocolate Fudge Brownie), a dollop of whipped crème, some butterscotch sauce and a sprinkle of crushed pistachios-

“Did you want some too?  Here!”

-and held it up with the clear intent for Xanxus to take it.

Yamaguchi’s heart nearly stopped.  For the seventh time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cesare Bovo- a famous Italian footballer (or soccer player depending on where you’re from). He was just chosen at random for this chapter.
> 
> Most of the Varia knows that Xanxus is super smart when it comes to just about everything that involves a mission. Normal social interactions with other people, not so much. There’s not much to do in the castle besides keeping it clean because Xanxus spends most of his time brooding by himself so the servants took to gossiping like bored housewives and betting on their boss’s nonexistent love life.
> 
> Google this to see what the ice cream bowl Tsuna is using looks like. 
> 
> “Monique Lhuillier Waterford House of Waterford Statement Collection 12" Centerpiece Bowl”
> 
> Just imagine it’s about half that size, but still costs over $1000.


	14. The Neighbor Listens With a Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna makes small talk by revealing bits of his nightmare inducing past.

Xanxus shot him a look and Yamaguchi’s mind flailed in panic. 

What should he say?  What should he do?  What course of action should he advise the boss to take?

How on earth did Squalo manage to put up with this sort of thing?  Truly, he was the epitome of what a right-hand man should be despite the fact that he wasn’t even halfway through his teen years yet.

The little boy was still holding out his spoon and based on prior experience Yamaguchi would be more surprised if Tsunayoshi _didn’t_ tip forward and upend his ice cream bowl.  He had to do something before this very likely misfortune happened.

Then he had an epiphany.  Picking up the silver tray, he quickly scribbled out his message on the bottom with the black permanent marker that he whipped out from his pocket.

_Boss!  Do whatever it takes to complete the mission!_

He held it high and prayed that things would go well. (And that Tsuna wouldn’t turn around because never mind if the child couldn’t read, it was suspicious no matter how you looked at it.)

Xanxus narrowed his eyes as he read it then flicked them to the glob of sweetness that was slowly oozing off the spoon. 

Tsuna tried to do his best to convey that it was really _really_ good with an encouraging smile.  It reminded Xanxus of a shark circling in anticipation of a meal.  Albeit a cute cuddly one. Like a plushie. 

He chomped onto the spoon like a voracious (and possibly rabid) beast, determined to wipe out the mental images.

The boy beamed in delight.

_Yes!_

If it wasn’t beneath him (and completely inappropriate), at that moment Yamaguchi would have punched the air in victory.  Instead he hid the tray behind his back when Tsuna turned to smile at him next.

“Butler-san!  Would you like a bite too?”

Cold sweat broke out on the back of Yamaguchi’s neck.

_So this is what the phrase ‘to kill with kindness’ means…_

“No thank you. I don’t eat sweets very often anymore.” 

“Why not?”

“I get cavities very easily even though I brush my teeth all the time.  My dentist will be very angry if he has to see me again this year.”

_In fact, he threatened to pull out all my teeth one by one whether they have cavities or not and make me wear them as a necklace._

Ironically, he didn’t have to fumble for an excuse.  The Varia’s private dentist was a terrifying older man (but not quite as old as the Ninth) whose specialty was assassinating his targets with an array of dental supplies and Yamaguchi didn’t mean those tiny metal picks or teeth drills (although he used those too).  He meant the man garroted his victims with a specially made dental floss that was as strong as piano wire or forcefully brushed their teeth with poisoned toothpaste leaving the body dead, but with a minty fresh mouth.  He had since retired from active duty and was now in charge of monitoring the oral hygiene of a castle full of cutthroat assassins. That wasn’t to say that he quit the business entirely, but missions were rarely assigned, much less mandatory for him anymore.

Xanxus did not look happy.  Whether at the reminder of said Varia dentist (who it was rumored that not even Tyr would dare to antagonize) or at the fact that Yamaguchi had a legitimate reason to not eat the ice cream.

Tsuna did not look happy either.  Rather he looked terrified and Yamaguchi was struck with the sudden realization that he might have ended up traumatizing the poor boy before his boss did.

 “I-I’m sorry!” Tsunayoshi squeaked. “I’ll never give you sweets again!  I don’t want the dentist to be mad at you.  They’re really scary.”  He shuddered. “This one time, I went into the wrong room and saw the dentist was screaming at somebody for not brushing his teeth and letting them get rotten.  The man was screaming too but it sounded different because his face was all fat and puffy.  He was trying to run away, but the dentist had tied him to the chair.  His arms and legs and his belly and his neck were tied down.”

_Are you sure you weren’t witnessing an assassination instead?_

“What happened next?”

_Is the boss trying to make small talk?_

Yamaguchi blinked.  Xanxus actually seemed interested in young Tsunayoshi’s rather disturbing story.

“Oh.  I got caught.  The dentist looked up right before he was going to poke that metal toothpick, the curved one on a stick, in the man’s mouth and asked me what was I doing.  Then a _huuuugggeee_ spider came down from the ceiling in front of his face and he screamed and threw the toothpick and the man on the chair caught it with his leg.  It was close to his hand too and he ripped it out and blood came out from his leg but he used the toothpick to pull a knife from his pocket and cut himself free while the dentist was still screaming because the spider was on his shirt. 

Then the man took out a plastic bottle from his other pocket and dumped it out on the dentist and it turned out to be lots of cockroaches.”

_This…this is like something out of a B-rated horror movie..._

 “And then he ran out of the room yelling ‘Frrrrreeeedooommmm’, but his teeth were still hurting, so it sounded more ‘Wrrrrreeeeegoooonnnnggg’ and there was still blood all down his pants.  The dentist was still screaming because now he had a huge spider _and_ lots of cockroaches on him.  One of them flew off and landed on my face and it felt really weird and icky so I screamed too.  Then I threw it back at him and ran away and that’s why I think cockroaches are super duper scary now.”

_…Is the boss…is the boss laughing?_

Sure enough Xanxus’s shoulders were trembling with effort to hide his amusement.

_The boss is laughing!  He-he’s actually laughing!_

Yamaguchi struggled to tear his eyes away before he was caught, but he was pretty sure his heart had skipped more than a few beats. Or stopped.  This was more than incredible.  This was a miracle.  Xanxus rarely smiled to begin with and after _The Incident_ no one really expected him to do so ever again.  Truly, Sawada Tsunayoshi was a blessing disguised as an external heart attack.

_Boss…_

Yamaguchi valiantly tried to hold back his tears.  Luckily, Tsuna was there to unintentionally assist with that as well.

“I don’t like going to the hospital either because that’s when I found out what a bat was and how scary they are. Last time…”

_…_

Yamaguchi never realized just how much pity he could feel for anyone who had grown up having a pretty easy civilian life until this very moment.  He eyed his slightly smiling (and what a terrifying sight it was) boss and twitched.  At least _somebody_ was finding this funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Varia dental assassin OC might become more than a cameo someday. I’ll need to come up with something appropriately disturbing about him as being a successful Varia member for as long as he has, he’s bound to have picked up quite a few quirks. Something worse than being a killer dentist. He’s no pedo or creeper though. Just scary. 
> 
> Yamaguchi is just one of those unfortunate people who are genetically predisposed to getting cavities easily even though he brushes after every meal. As such he’s very careful about his diet.
> 
> Sword Emperor Tyr-in case anyone doesn’t remember this guy, he’s the former Varia leader before losing (and dying) to Squalo. He’s still the boss here and will be making appearances later on.


	15. The Neighbor Inadvertently Gives a Sign of Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xanxus repays his debt part three. He’s muddling through the best he can, but it’s Yamaguchi who’s investing the most energy into this whole repaying Tsuna thing now.

* * *

After the tenth time Tsuna had stopped eating his ice cream simply to admire the golden spoon he was using, the King asked him a question.

“Do you like the damn spoon that much?”

Tsuna blinked.  He didn’t know what ‘damn’ meant, but he was pretty sure it was one of those words only big people were allowed say.  Well, the King was certainly much bigger than him so he guessed it was alright.

“Yes your majesty! It’s very pretty and shiny and um-umm-” Tsuna struggled to think of other big people words but being five and terrible at academics it was quite a task. “-and beautiful!”

He hoped he used that word right.  It was supposed to mean prettier than pretty right?  And it was. The spoon had swirly leafy lines leading up to the tip of the handle where a large clam fanned outward.  It looked almost like the clams Mama cooked for dinner the other day.  She had even let him keep some of the shells.

The King didn’t seem to think it was anything special though.  Maybe because he used pretty things like this all the time?  The smaller cup the King was drinking from seemed just as fancy as his ice bowl.

“You.”

Tsuna perked up, then realized the King was talking to Butler-san.

“Sir?”

“When the brat’s done, give him the spoon.”

“Of course sir.”

Tsuna’s eyes widened.

“Re-really your majesy?  I can have it?”

The King made a grunting noise and went back to staring at his glass.

Tsuna looked down at the spoon in awe.  He had already been repaid with the ice cream but this was something else.  Something worth more than just ice cream and candy.

Did this mean the King wanted to be _Friends_?

He whipped his wondering eyes back to the King and babbled back his thanks so quickly that it all came out in a jumbled mess.

* * *

Xanxus raised a brow. 

Why the fuck had the brat gotten so excited just from being given a spoon, he had no idea.  Or maybe he did.  Hadn’t he already established that the brat was an idiot?

Still, he was curious to see if the baby trash would actually have a seizure if he gave him something else.  So he ordered the bowl to be cleaned and given to the boy as well after he was finished.

Sadly, no uncontrollable bouts of shaking or blacking out occurred.  The brat did start spouting gibberish and swayed around a bit though.  Tsuna practically sparkled as he beamed up his neighbor.  A lot.  Although the teen would never admit it, the sight was a little creepy yet adorable at the same time.  But Varia did not use words like adorable nor did they understand fear and even if he was on probation for the unforeseeable future, Xanxus was still Varia dammit.

Dear God.  What were those glittering lights in the background?  Was this brat actually a budding illusionist?

*Sparkle*Sparkle*Sparkle*

“Will you fucking cut that out!”

“Ye-yes, your majesty!”

The brat managed to tone down the smile, but still continued to stare at him with unbelievably happy (cute) puppy dog eyes.  Then they closed in joy as he took another bite of ice cream and Xanxus was blasted by a classic shoujo scene.  Bubbles and pastel flowers seemed to float all around the brunet as he practically radiated bliss and love for the entire world.  Or at least his ice cream.

It was horrifying.

Xanxus glanced at his bottle of wine and wondered if this was the sort of hallucinations normal trash went through when they drank.  He chanced another glance at the brat.

A ray of light shone down on the smiling child and Xanxus could swear that he was hearing singing of some sort from an invisible (possibly angelic) choir.

Then he blinked again and it was all gone.

“…”

As much as he hated to admit it, maybe he should cut back on the drinking for a while.

* * *

Yamaguchi had internally panicked when his cellphone had gone off while he was closing the curtains (and thus blocking the beam of sunlight that was shining on young Tsunayoshi’s face) but managed to discretely silence it before anyone could figure out where it came from.

_Sorry Mother.  I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.  In the meantime, please stop calling me during work hours._

* * *

It had been nearly two hours since the boss had kidnapped young Tsunayoshi.

Yamaguchi discreetly checked his phone which was showing a silent view of the Sawada household.  The boy’s mother had moved on from her phone call to doing laundry but still hadn’t noticed that her child was gone.  

While he was grateful for this new development, he did wonder.  Shouldn’t she have checked by now?  Most people would be paranoid about what their kids were up to.  Although Yamaguchi had no wife or children of his own, even he knew that long periods of silence from them was a thing to be suspicious of even if they seemed to be good little boys like young Tsunayoshi.

In all honesty, he was also worried about the bowl and spoon the boss had given to the child.  More likely than not, they’d be getting a visit soon.  Most people wouldn’t allow their children to be given such expensive things from veritable strangers and he was busy plotting out possible damage control scenarios when Xanxus got wind that the mother was trying to return her son’s new gifts.  He understood the boss meant well, but…

Yamaguchi sighed.  Looks like it would be up to him to divert this potential crisis too.

At least everything was nearly over and the gold spoon and crystal bowl were cleaned and packed into a padded Styrofoam box which was then placed in a small backpack that one of the staff had managed to miraculously whip up ten minutes ago.  Hopefully this would be enough to keep everything from breaking if they were dropped.

He stepped out of the elevator and was about knock on the door to let Xanxus know that he was back when he heard Tsunayoshi’s distinctive childish lilt echoing down the hallway.  If he was out there then that would mean that he wasn’t in here and he was most likely with the boss at…the…stairs…

Yamaguchi ran faster than he had ever had before.  He was just in time to experience a terrible sense of déjà vu as the child tumbled off the top of the staircase.

“Hiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

Xanxus continued to make his way down at a leisurely pace with his hands in his pockets as Yamaguchi practically flew past him to make sure that the boy was still alive.

He was and was sitting up and trying to reassure Yamaguchi even though he wasn’t the one who had just rolled down an entire flight of stairs.  Again.

“Don’t worry Butler-san. It’s okay.  I fall down the stairs all the time.  This one just goes straight down.  The one at home has turns.”

Yamaguchi was struck by a sense of profound pity again.  Whether for Tsunayoshi or his own blood pressure he quite wasn’t sure but as he had staunchly refused to ever pity himself he concluded that it was for their hapless guest.

Just to be on the safe side, maybe he should escort the boy home.  

* * *

Rosebud was gone from the front gate, having been picked up by an apologetic owner according to the gardeners, and so Tsuna went home cheerfully waving goodbye to the still befuddled but enthusiastically (almost creepily so) welcoming servants and the stoic King. 

Xanxus spent a long moment watching him disappear around the corner of the fence before retiring to his room after the little boy was out of sight, apparently no longer interested now that he had fulfilled his obligation.

Yamaguchi sighed to himself.  The whole situation had turned out surprisingly well.  No explosions.  No destruction.  No dead bodies or trauma (excluding the one done to Yamaguchi himself). No flying wine bottles or chairs or anything really. 

It was an absolute miracle just like the peculiarly fearless child himself.  But what was Boss going to do now that he no longer had a purpose to distract him from his…ill-fated situation? 

Yamaguchi glanced out the second story window to where Tsuna was stepping into the house.  As if he could tell that he was being watched, the brunet turned, then waved to Yamaguchi happily when he noticed him. 

Yamaguchi’s lips quirked up and he lifted his hand in reply.  Ah well.  Despite all the anxiety attacks (and possible ulcers) he had caused, the kid was still pretty cute.  Even the boss seemed to tolerate him (amazingly well).

He seriously hoped that Xanxus was done with his quest to repay young Tsunayoshi though.  He’d prefer it if all the law enforcement deflection training the staff went through was not about to be put to use because concerned civilians were (rightfully) worried about a thug-like teen watching their precious prepubescent children all the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Yamaguchi, the things you must put up with and now that Tsuna’s in the mix, you have no idea what sort of gates have just been opened. 
> 
> I have this headcanon that Tsuna went through a ton of weird crap when he was very young and as he grew older, he forgot about the incidents themselves, but still associated fear with certain things which is why he’s so scared of just about everything by the time he meets Reborn. Nana of course never notices or brushes it off. Here, a lot of those phobias won’t be able to start due to growing up with the Varia. Or if they do, they’ll be ruthlessly beaten down. Of course, it’s not a one way street. The Varia will get involved in the shenanigans of Tsuna’s ‘normal’ life too. Luckily they’re insane enough to sail through it all and stay relative fine...possibly.
> 
> Yamaguchi’s near heart attack counts:  
> 1: Xanxus kidnaps Tsuna  
> 2: Tsuna falls down the stairs  
> 3,4,5,6: Every time Tsuna trips while following Xanxus to his room  
> 7: Tsuna offers Xanxus his ice cream  
> 8: Tsuna offers Yamaguchi his ice cream  
> 9: Yamaguchi sees Xanxus laughing  
> 10: Mama Yamaguchi calls during work hours  
> 11: Tsuna falls down the stairs again


	16. The Neighbor Isn’t Done Repaying His Debt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xanxus gets lonely and teeters between denial and outright delusion about it and Yamaguchi continues to deal.

The brat was gone and his debt was finally paid back.

So why couldn’t Xanxus stop thinking about him?  Or Squalo for that matter.

He was feeling things again and while that was a good thing, it was familiar in an unsettlingly uncomfortable way. 

There was a word for this feeling, but like hell did it apply to him.

He wasn’t _lonely_ dammit.  Just bored out of his fucking mind.

Back in Italy, he was used to Squalo barging in at all hours of the day, his usual megaphone level of shouting giving Xanxus ample time to prepare a weapon of choice (usually a wine bottle) to toss as soon as his pale head appeared though the doorway.  There was also Levi ready to wait hand and foot, that greedy baby, the okama and a whole host of other people.

After all that noise, to have nothing but silence for so long was…unsettling. 

Xanxus drummed his fingers against the lacquered armrest of his favorite chair.  When he finally noticed what he was doing, he stood up and began to pace around his room like a caged tiger.

Thinking of Squalo would only serve to make him angry (lonelier) and he couldn’t afford that right now so he turned his mind to the only other thing worth thinking about.

A few small tubes of Frutips were carefully tucked away in his pockets.  A few more unopened boxes sat on the coffee table.  Oddly, he didn’t even feel like eating them.  Just looking at them was enough to quell most of his annoyance.  Maybe he was getting tired of them?

Xanxus popped a gummy into his mouth. 

Nope. Still delicious.

But the taste brought back the memory of those wide caramel eyes, resolute in their desire to properly greet his neighbor.  The worth of this gift was more than the brat could possibly know.

_It’s not a fucking excuse._  

Xanxus consoled himself. 

_It’s not a fucking excuse and I’m not fucking lonely._

That’s right.  This was the closest thing to a solution for his cuffs (no matter how temporary it might be) and it was worth more than a little ice cream and crystal bowl and golden spoon.  He wasn’t done repaying the brat yet.  He might not be for a long time.  The thought somehow doesn’t piss him off as much as he expects it to.

* * *

The front double doors closed again and Yamaguchi slowly released his sigh once the moody teen was out of hearing range.

This was the start of the fourth day of the Boss’s self-isolation.  It was also the end of it and Yamaguchi suspected that he knew why.

“Poor Boss…” mutters the man wiping down the banisters of the main stairway.  “He’s so lovesick that he’s lost his urge to drink. If this keeps up, we’re going to be overstocked soon.”

Another man nods while replacing the wilted flowers in the man-sized vases decorating the hall.  “A mission should keep his mind off worse things though. Hopefully the fresh air will do him some good.”

Yamaguchi makes a mental tally of all the medicine stocked in the building.  Antacids, headache relievers, antihypertensives, and a whole host of herbal remedies that his mother had just sent him.

_Thank you Mother.  I love you more than you could ever possibly realize._

* * *

Yamaguchi had assured him that Castella was a dessert that most Japanese people, children and adults alike would know and enjoy and had ordered one from what was supposedly the best bakery in all of Namimori.  It was such a simple looking sponge cake though and Xanxus eyed the cutely wrapped box he was holding with skepticism.

He’d eaten Japanese food before.  He’d even had mochi with red bean paste and green tea and sushi and…really that was about it.  He had always preferred the heavier dishes of Italy and usually stuck with European and Western meals.

In this sort of situation, Xanxus had no choice but to defer to the native man though.  He was the one who had known what the brat would like the first time and if he said the brat would like this…Castella cake then Xanxus wasn’t about to argue. If Yamaguchi was wrong and the brat didn’t like it, Xanxus was going to kill him.

Now all he had to do was find the boy again.

* * *

Yamaguchi sneezed and did his best to stop the shudders spreading down his body.  Someone was thinking about him and in a less than charitable way.   

He checked his phone for the tenth time.  According to the map, the little dot that was Xanxus was heading towards the closest park again.  Unfortunately the best course of action (read: the least likely way to set Xanxus off) was to send the teen out with the cake and let him wander around until he found the child. If he failed to give it to young Tsunayoshi today, Yamaguchi was just going to have to order a fresh one each day until Xanxus eventually succeeded. 

He shook his head and tucked the phone back into his pocket.

As the others continued to make bets about how Xanxus would carry out the next phase of his ‘Woo the Neighbor Plan’, Yamaguchi figured that he should clear up this misunderstanding before someone inevitably decided to say something within the boss’s hearing range or worse,  try to offer him advice.

“You idiots are all wrong.  The boss was never after the Sawada woman.  He only had business with her son.”

“…”

It was so quiet that he could even hear a cricket chirping.  (The same damned cricket that had somehow gotten into the house three days ago and yet still managed to elude a tiny castle’s worth of professional assassins.)

“Her son?”

“The-the boss-“

“That’s just-I had no idea.”

Yamaguchi’s bullshit radar was starting to give him a headache.

“What are you all on about now?”

“Yamaguchi!”

“Even though the boss may have…unconventional tastes, we as loyal members of the Varia will support him in all of his endeavors to woo Sawada Tsunayoshi!”

The urge to face palm was strong, but he managed to refrain from doing so. Barely.

“You imbeciles! Tsunayoshi-san was the one who gave the boss the candy that stops him from falling into a rage.  He only did this to be polite, but the boss wanted to repay him for it.”

“And that’s when the boss fell for him right?  Right?”

“Didn’t you say that the kid is like an angel?”

“He’s gotta be a real one.  Remember how the boss looked the other day?  I’ve never seen such a nice expression on his face before.”

“I have.  I saw it years ago when the boss was alone with Squalo.  You know, before The Incident.”

“You meet the kid’s Mama yet?  She’s practically an angel herself.”

“A family of angels?”

“So it’s a love triangle now?”

“What’s Commander Squalo going to think about his new rival?”

“Oh! Oh! I’m gonna open the bets in two hours after I finish my work.  Everybody ready?”

The cheering became a wordless roar as everyone continued their tasks with renewed energy.

“…”

Yamaguchi regretted everything.  Sometimes he was just so done with the peons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha. No near heart attacks for Yamaguchi today, just headaches about the sheer stupidity of everyone around him. Look on the bright side Yamaguchi. At least they’re not slacking off.
> 
> This isn’t going to be a romantic X27 or XS fic. They’re fun to hint at though and I have plans for Squalo’s role in the ‘Royal Family’.


	17. The Neighbor Shares a Bench, a Bento, and some Benne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna has no one his own age to actually talk to, but at least he's the only one who the King (and Rosebud) will willingly hang around. Meanwhile Xanxus continues his painfully awkward attempts to be nice. This chapter is really just full of fluffy bonding moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever since I've written anything. I was going to split it in two, but decided to give you guys an extra long chapter because I don't know when I'll be back.

**"English"**

"Japanese"

* * *

 

By some miracle, Xanxus managed to come across Tsuna within the first half hour of his search.

He was sitting alone on the now familiar bench, but upon seeing his new neighbor approaching with a determined furrow on his intimidating (but Kingly) brow, Tsuna lit up like he had just seen an ice cream truck.

"Your majesty!"

Stopping in front of the child who was once again kneeling in front of his boots, Xanxus wondered whether he should be annoyed or pleased by this Japanese custom of seemingly bowing to everyone at every single meeting but he'd take either as long as he wasn't angry.

"Get up."

"Yes, your majesty."

There it was again. That beaming smile that was so full of unwarranted adulation and…happiness. At least that Lightning trash had a reason to give him that look. What the hell was the Brat's problem? He had been assured that no one would know who he was here and if the civilian child bowing before him really knew just how bloody his hands were, would he have still come up and gifted him with that miracle candy? Probably not, but Xanxus wasn't going to enlighten him anytime soon.

"…"

"…"

"…"

The brat's face hadn't changed in three minutes now. Aside from some blinks, he wasn't really moving at all and it was impressive as it was disturbing. Weren't children supposed to be noisy greedy little shits? In the faded memories of what felt like a lifetime ago, Xanxus knew he was until he learned how to still himself and keep quiet out of necessity. Someone was going to have to break this awkward silence, but Xanxus had no idea what to say. Those same memories reminded him that it wasn't really good to for some food to be kept out in warm areas lest they spoil and he had no idea how long the cake would keep.

He held out the box. Better safe than sorry.

"…"

"…"

The brat wasn't taking it. Why wasn't he taking it? His eyes were getting big though. Bigger than normal and by God, was it normal for Japanese children to have such big eyes? It was like they were swallowing up the rest of his chubby cheeked face. At least he wasn't smiling anymore.

He still wasn't taking the cake though.

Xanxus rattled the box as if he were shaking a bag of treats to get a reaction from a dog. There was something clinking inside. Probably a couple of utensils but it seemed to do the trick.

The brat's mouth hung open as he pointed to the box and then himself.

' _For me?'_ His big, big eyes seemed to ask.

Xanxus shook the box again, this time a bit more impatiently.

The box was finally taken from him with a quiet "Thank you," and a reverently touched look that made his insides squirm in discomfort though he couldn't exactly place why it would do so.

As if come to his senses, the brat shook his head and glanced behind him to the bench where a several hot pink and white boxes were resting beside a blue backpack with some sort of bug eyed cartoon robot alien thing in a fighting pose.

How the hell Xanxus had missed those ridiculously bright patches of color on the old bench was a mystery he'd rather not think about. If it was a sign that he was losing his edge, that didn't bode well at all. He couldn't afford to be careless now of all times.

"Your Majesty!"

The brat whipped his head back so fast that Xanxus was surprised that he hadn't heard that scrawny little neck snapping.

"Let's have lunch together!"

It's been a while since breakfast and he was a growing teen so naturally he was always hungry but Xanxus could have totally refused if he wanted to. Even with those impossible big and sparkly eyes aimed at him. He could. He really could. He was just doing the brat a favor since there was no way this slip of a child could possible finish all that food. Really.

* * *

Tsuna went back to pulling out more boxes out of his bag and arranged them as neatly as he could before politely offering Xanxus the first pick.

Xanxus learned that the boxes were called bento, the bug eyed cartoon robot alien thing on the backpack was called Ultraman, the pink and white boxes were patterned with flowers and bows and a white cat with a red bow on her left ear called Hello Kitty (and NOT to be confused with her twin sister Mimmy who had a yellow bow on her right ear of which Tsuna also had a set of boxes) and the set of boxes holding what seemed to be desserts had a black cat called Chococat and another box holding some rice balls depicted a grey and white…cat…thing called Totoro.

Clearly Tsuna wasn't a dog person.

"And this is my Number Five-Two favorite food, chicken teriyaki! It's really yummy, but not as yummy as my Number Four-Ten favorite, choco-banana."

And clearly he wasn't a picky eater either. Xanxus wasn't sure if Tsuna was trying to say if the chicken teriyaki was fifty-second on his list of favorite foods or if it was between seven and ten because he had a convoluted way of doing math or a subset of favorite food Number Five that was better than Number six but couldn't be considered different enough to actually be Number Six or just tied with Number Five.

Then what did that make Number Four-Ten?

Even if Tsuna couldn't count properly, at least he had memorized the names of all the food in his boxes and he was able to explain them adequately enough to satisfy Xanxus.

"I don't know what's in it, but it's tasty!"

Eh. Whatever. It was beef. It was good. And he could order one of the men to get the recipe from the brat's mother later. As they munched away peacefully (ignoring the old woman still squinting suspiciously at the teenager from the depths of her candy shop) and conversation slowed, Xanxus felt the vaguest notion to keep it going but had to rack his brain for something equivalent to what he was learning.

"This is called a **sesame** **seed** in English." He said, prodding a tiny pale seed with the tip of a plastic Chococat training chopstick (because he sure as hell wasn't going to use the Hello Kitty one) "Depending where you are in America, they can also be called **benne**."

" **Se-sa-me seed-o.** " Tsuna carefully sounded out. " **Ben-ne**."

A bit slow and there was an odd accent but that was to be expected. He tried a few more times, shortening the syllables and trying to cut the inflection off the end of seed as much as he could.

When he felt that he had it right, Tsuna turned back to Xanxus with an expectant look.

" **Sesame seed. Benne.** "

He wasn't going to get rid of that accent without more practice but it was close enough. Instead of acknowledging his success, Xanxus moved onto the next thing.

" **Chopsticks.** " He said, clicking the utensils in his hand.

And Tsuna stumbled along with the words with Xanxus only moving on if he felt that this was the best he was going to get. He could have taught the boy the Italian words instead, but...Japan was supposed to be a retreat. A place where he didn't have to have constant reminders of home and his situation there. So English it was. It was the most well-known language in the world and much more useful for someone who was probably never going to end up in Italy anyways.

They opened the castella box and sure enough, two plastic forks had been packed inside along with a few napkins with the store's logo.

Tsuna lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of the cake and proclaimed that this was favorite food Number Eleven-Seven.

Xanxus didn't bother replying to that. He moved on to pointing out that they were sitting on a bench and at the end after all the food had been polished off, Tsuna grinned in the cheerful manner of proud children who had felt that they had achieved something of great personal value. "Hee hee. Bento. **Benne. Bench.** They sound alike."

"Yeah." Grunted Xanxus.

When they were done, Tsuna shoveled all the bento boxes back into his backpack and together they began walking around the neighborhood with Xanxus still pointing out things in English and Tsuna fumbling his pronunciations behind. They take a meandering path that detours into small alleys (to point out several scruffy looking cats that Tsuna is somehow able to remember all the names of), an empty lot with some large pipes stacked in small pyramids scattered around (filled with another dozen or so feral cats which Tsuna has also taking the liberty of naming), and then the property of Yukimi-baa-chan who is apparently the local crazy old cat lady and owns more cats than the number of strays Xanxus has counted today. And Tsuna could name _all_ of them.

Xanxus is begrudgingly impressed that Tsuna who can't count beyond his twenties can remember the names, personalities, quirks, territories and movements of over fifty felines. If he could be trained up properly, the brat would make an amazing informant or even a right hand man when he got older.

Halfway through their walk, they stop by some vending machines to buy some drinks and Xanxus treats Tsuna to some melon Fanta while getting himself an orange flavored one. He's not really into soft drinks like this, but he's not in the mood for water either. It's familiar and looks and sounds safer than ninety percent of the other Fanta flavors like Squash Punch and Pine Fruit and _definitely_ safer than whatever the hell Calpis and Pocari Sweat are supposed to be.

It's easy to see that the long hours are wearing at the boy despite his boundless enthusiasm and they're both starting to get hungry again, so they eventually make their way back home. It's not until they're the third house before the Castle that Xanxus realizes that Sawada Nana is nowhere to be seen.

"Oi. Brat."

" **Yes** your majesty?"

Already, he was incorporating the new words into his regular speech. That was good even if constantly switching between languages mid-sentence was ruining the grammatical structure. They'd sink in better if he practiced them more often.

"Where's your mother?"

"Mama? Oh. She went out. One of her friends got sick so she went to bring them some **food** , but she told me to go out and get some fresh air at **lunch**. She said she'll be home tonight but she can't make it home for **dinner**."

They reach the simple black gate in front of the Sawada residence and Xanxus is wondering if he had eaten all of the boy's dinner as well but can't quite bring himself to ask. Japanese food must not agree with him because there's a strange feeling in his gut that he refuses to even consider. He is not feeling guilty. Really.

The gate swings open easily enough and Xanxus realized that the child must have left it unlocked when he came out. Alone. He's heard that in Asian countries parents start training their kids to be more responsible at a younger age but isn't five a bit too young? Granted he was often alone for long stretches of time when he was that age so maybe this was safe enough for civilians too? Hell if he knew. Xanxus wasn't exactly a normal person to start with and he was a son of a delusional prostitute in a mafia run town. He had no idea what a 'normal' civilian life constituted of.

Xanxus follows Tsuna up to the front door where he found that the boy at least had enough sense to lock up that door behind him because now he's pulling a key out of his pocket to unlock it. The front door was open, but the boy continued to stand there with his tiny hands on the knob, shooting him hesitant glances under his bangs. He shuffled his feet a bit and it occurs to Xanxus that this is the first time that he's really seen Tsuna so nervous.

"Umm…"

Xanxus said nothing, but quirked one brow just enough to show that he was waiting for Tsuna to continue.

"Y-you said you never saw Ultraman before and it's supposed to start over on tv tonight sooooo…do you want to watch it with me?"

As Xanxus's brow raised just that little bit higher, Tsuna rallied himself enough to babble some more.

"We can have dinner too! Mama made lots of food and I can't finish it all-" (That funny feeling in Xanxus's gut vanishes and he figures that there's nothing wrong with Japanese food after all. It was probably just gas.) "-and she always says 'sharing is caring' and-and then I can show you all the movies I got like 'My Neighbor Totoro' and 'Hello Kitty and Friends' and all my toys too! And-and so will you?"

That pitiful look of hope and desperation along with a dose of disbelief that he'd ever stoop to such a thing as having dinner and movie with a little brat like him makes Xanxus hold back the automatic rejection ready to fly from his lips with the force of a bullet to the heart.

He thinks of what it's like to be five and so so small and alone with nothing to look forward to expect the impossible hope that somehow the next day will be better only for the bitterness of reality to kick in and start the process all over again and again and again.

The brat's got plenty of food and a decent place to stay. So does Xanxus. And he's got a long night of watching television reruns and having dinner by himself until he falls asleep on the couch with all the lights on surrounded by whatever comfort his toys can give him. So does Xanxus. And he's probably too afraid to sleep alone even though he's in a safe place because there are vague notions of the sort of terrors that are just waiting for him to let his guard down and close his eyes.

In all honesty, Xanxus gets it. He really does because he's practically in the same boat even if their reasons for why they're alone vastly differ. When Xanxus gets back to his room, he'll probably go sit in his favorite chair. Think about his day. Have a bottle of wine or two. Clean his guns. Maybe sketch out a few blueprints for improvements if he's in the mood. Have dinner. Get surveillance and progress reports from Yamaguchi. Have another bottle. Go to bed.

Rinse and repeat. As pathetic as it is, repaying the brat has become the highlight of his days. It's the weekend. There's no schooling or tutors or missions or anything else for Xanxus to do and Tsuna won't have anything to do tomorrow either. Might as well.

"Fine. What time?"

"Re-really?"

There's awe and joyful incredulity and Xanxus wonders what sorts of things the brat has gone through to put that bit of extra oomph into his eyes. The extra oomph that says that he's used to promises being made with sweet, sweet words only to be broken over and over and over.

"Uhhh-uuhhh-uuwwwaaaahhh-"

There was that near hyperventilation again, the brat's tiny body practically vibrating in place as if it was too small to contain his bursting excitement.

"Ultraman starts at seven tonight! So you can come at-at-uhh…"

Xanxus can practically see the little engine in Tsuna's mind sputtering and stalling as it tries to do something beyond its capabilities. Like measuring time.

He glances up into the sky, then studies the length and position of the shadows on the ground. It's about thirty minutes after five and with a start, Xanxus realizes that he's managed to kill over five hours with the brat.

"6:30."

"Huh?"

"I'll be back in one hour." That was more than enough time to shower and change and put together another repayment gift.

"One hour?"

Xanxus nodded.

"One hour."

"One _hour_." There was a giddy smile overtaking the brat's face.

"One hour." Xanxus affirmed. Again.

" _Ooonne…hooouuurr…"_ He breathed out in awe.

Odds were, they would have continued along this vein for the entire hour if Rosebud hadn't appeared at the open gate and gave a happy bark at the sight of Tsuna.

She tore across the short distance as fast as her tiny legs could carry her and Tsuna screeched in terror as he threw open his front door and practically dove into the house.

Just as Rosebud leapt up and over the single step of the front porch and made a lunge for Tsuna through the doorway, the door slammed shut. The chihuahua bounced off of it with a meaty thud and landed right in front of Xanxus's leather boots.

Xanxus had never seen anyone open and close a door so fast. Not even that one don who had opened his bedroom door only to realize that the Varia had come to pay him back for his attempt to betray to Vongola to the authorities and promptly shut it. (Not that it had done any good as Xanxus had blown out the door, his target's body and the huge bay windows across the room in a single Flame powered shot. He had been praised for leaving the head-still in stunned terror-so that his then-squad leader could identify their target and have proof that the newbie was doing his job properly.)

His bark of laughter seemed to rouse the (possibly concussed) dog who staggered to her feet and looked around in a bewildered way.

Upon realizing just _who_ was laughing at her, Rosebud began to growl.

Xanxus sneered down at her.

"Bitch."

Rosebud gave him a half snarl, half bark that probably translated to 'Fucker' in the language of dogs before turning back to paw and whine at the front door in the hopes that she could entice Tsuna to come out and play with her.

Xanxus, still smirking, strolled out the front gate (which he decided to kindly shut behind himself-no need for an open invitation to the scum that lurked anywhere there was human civilization) and went back to his own little castle.

* * *

Fingers flying over his phone, Marino Acerbi continued to text a transcript of the entire conversation happening just over the wall separating the Sawada and Varia properties. They already had topnotch surveillance cameras trained around all angles of the house and yard but the audio could rather patchy at times and filled with unwanted noise that obscured whatever they were trying to listen in on.

He hit Send just as his best friend sent him the hand signals for 'Boss' and 'Coming' and quickly shoved his phone into the mulch under the hedge that he was pretending to be trimming. Pretending because he was supposed to be trying to figure out what had clogged the fountain in the backyard but that was too far away to hear properly and he had the best hearing as well as the fastest texting speed of all the people currently living here.

Five others covered for him, distracting Xanxus with greetings and salutes and Marino stood and did the same as if he had only just noticed their boss's arrival from their actions.

The men held their positions and let the result of years of training keep them calm and composed. Marino striving just that little bit more. He so grateful that he kept his hair shorn so close to his scalp. It would have given his real emotions away in a heartbeat.

Xanxus cast his gaze over them and held it for several seconds before nodding and continuing on his way, the good mood practically radiating off him like sunshine on a nice spring day. The servants went back to looking busy but as soon the doors to the castle closed and nothing else happened for a full five minutes, they convened in a spot out of view from any of the windows and proceeded to gossip.

"Amazing! It's just-just-aaaruggh!" garbled one man as he made clawing motions in the air.

"He-he-they-my fucking GOD."

Two of the others were clutching each other at arm's length and hopping up and down as they tried to muffle their squeals. Marino couldn't stop the painfully wide grin even if he tried and the tiny green sparks crackling across his teeth made his smile even more brilliant. Before he could even make an attempt to dampen his own glee, his best friend slung an arm around his shoulders to hug him, ignoring the way Marino's unique…attribute was making his own hair stand on end like a porcupine.

"Poor doggy though."

"I know man." He sucked in a breath between his teeth in an effort to keep from bursting into giddy giggles himself. "I know, but just think of the Boss. It's his first date and he did it _all by himself_."

Well, mostly. Yamaguchi did and is still doing a butt ton of stuff in the background but Boss had somehow managed to not ruin his budding relationship with Tsunayoshi without Yamaguchi or anyone else holding his hand. "And we got to witness it! Not the Ninth. Not his brothers. Not Tyr. Not the rest of Vongola or everybody back at HQ. Not even Levi or Lussuria or-or Squalo! _Us!_ "

The last word came out as a high pitched squeak but everyone was too busy muffling their own shrieks of delight and dancing and grinning like fools to care and all thought of Rosebud vanished from their minds. Of course Yamaguchi would probably be pissed and make them redo the lawn because of how badly they were trampling the grass but it was a worry for another day.

He'd probably go and retrieve the recorder hidden in the Sawada's side of the fence, but that'd have to wait until the middle of the night after everyone was asleep. Until then Marino had a group of gossipy fanboys to dance with. He wasn't so insecure that he had to pretend that he wasn't one anyhow.

* * *

"ETA: thirty seconds!" called Yamaguchi as he slid his phone back into his pocket after making sure Marino's messages were safely saved in his own inbox. It would be important for the report he was compiling for Squalo and saved him the trouble of having to write it up himself. Not only was Marino the fastest texter out of their current group, he was also the most accurate which made Yamaguchi's job just that little bit easier. He had long since learned to count his blessings.

Men were rappelling off and away from the windows facing the Sawada property and stuffing their own phones away. A handful continued to hang in mid-air as they cleaned the evidence of their spying away and really, it was a miracle that Xanxus hadn't noticed thirty or so men shoved up against the tinted glass windows trying to record his…invitation. Yamaguchi was not going to entertain the thought that Xanxus had gotten a date for the night.

There was a squeal far too high pitched for the hulking size of the man it came from followed by someone shushing the squealer before the Boss came only to break into a fit of giggles himself.

Yamaguchi sighed and schooled his own face into attentive neutrality. The Boss did not just score a date. He did _not_. It was just dinner and a movie. Just dinner and a movie and possibly playing make believe with a five year old and his action figures and stuffed animals and…fine. It was a date. Yamaguchi would give them that. But it was a totally platonic _playdate_ and nothing would convince Yamaguchi otherwise.

The cooks were back in the kitchens. Everyone else was scattered throughout the sizable front parlor (amazing how fast they could run when they put their minds to it) cleaning things that didn't need to be cleaned and dusting things that had been dusted thrice over and Yamaguchi was waiting patiently by the open doors like always. It was to this completely normal scene that Xanxus returned to as he stepped into the castle.

However there was a change to the routine. For once he wasn't in a particularly driven mood, tunnel vision blinding him to everything but young Tsunayoshi. Nor was he in that blank state, so empty and dead that most would say that it would have been kinder to actually kill him.

There wasn't any way to mistake how Xanxus was holding his head up high again as a matter of confidence instead of an ingrained reflex to maintain good posture and an aura of good humor and purpose surrounding him. There was _life_ in the Boss again and Yamaguchi felt his heart clench. All around him, the peons were silent and still, as if Xanxus had shown up with little Tsunayoshi clutched tightly in his fist again.

Xanxus surveyed the men before him as if seeing them for the first time in a long _long_ time. His crimson eyes lingered over each and every person cataloguing and committing their faces to memory. Finally he leveled his gaze at Yamaguchi who held his gaze but lowered his head deferentially.

"Sir."

Xanxus continued to hold his gaze just that little bit longer before acknowledging him.

"Yamaguchi."

It's been a long while since Xanxus actually called him by name.

Yamaguchi allowed just a tiny lift of the corners of his mouth, the prelude to the kind of smile his training dictated as unprofessional to show in front of the Masters of the house.

"What kind of flowers do civilian brats like? Roses?"

Yamaguchi could feel his face freezing.

"Or do I get him chocolate instead?" Xanxus mulled over that thought for a moment. "Both?"

There was a collective sharp inhale and just then the memories of a younger Xanxus watching chick flicks and soap operas with Squalo, Lussuria, Levi and occasionally the infamous Mist arcobaleno who went by Mammon made their untimely way to the forefront of Yamaguchi's mind.

Yamaguchi furiously thought about how to address this new situation. He had to make this quick because he could see some of the men turning red and purple behind the teen. If they let out that breath, they'd start screaming and that was the very last thing he needed right now.

"How long do you have until the next encounter with young Tsunayoshi?"

He just needed to portray this as a mission. As much as he didn't want to get the child involved more than he had to, it was quickly becoming apparent that there wasn't much choice. This was the most animated he's seen Xanxus since The Incident.

"Fifty-four minutes."

"Very well then. I'd suggest freshening up, Sir. In the meanwhile, I shall prepare a selection for you to choose from."

With nod that was as much an acknowledgement as a dismissal, Xanxus returned to his room.

There were thumps as a few of the men passed out while the others devolved into incoherent babbles and silent or strangled screams and squeeing. The six men already outside were sent to buy flowers from whatever florist had the best selections and the handful of chocoholics among them were sent to procure boxes of the stuff from local shops they were already getting their own stash from.

Yamaguchi held in a pained sigh and closed his eyes even as his hands continued to deftly iron and fold Xanxus's freshly laundered clothes. By the time he opened them again, the entire load was neatly placed in the teen's closet, the boots Xanxus had just removed ten minutes ago were clean and he was being given those looks of admiration from the Varia peons who still expressed incredulous amazement over his skills.

Despite not actually being a member of the Varia at all, he was still loyal to Xanxus. There had been some distrust and outright derision from the others when this group had come together at first, but when Yamaguchi showed that he could do the work of thirty men, fix all their mistakes and problems, offer advice on _everything_ , gather information with all the skills of an infiltration specialist and still serve the Boss perfectly, they had begun to change their tune until they were singing his praises instead and including him in all the ridiculous things they got up to.

"Roses and chocolate Yamaguchi! Roses and chocolate!"

"It's completely cliché but the fact that the Boss came up with it at all it a miracle!"

Truth be told, he could probably handle everything himself with more efficiency and far less trouble, but he knew that teaching them how to better themselves would be more beneficial in the long run. Possibly. If anything happened to him, the others would be able to step in and (hopefully) take over. Either way, Xanxus needed all the support he could get and Yamaguchi had made a promise to serve him to the best of his abilities all those years ago.

 _It's just a playdate._ Yamaguchi reminded himself. _Just a perfectly innocent PLATONIC playdate._

Even though by definition, the parents were the ones that arranged them and as far as Yamaguchi knew, neither Nana nor the Ninth knew that their boys were interacting at all, much less having met beforehand.

"Date. Date. Date~. Boss's first date~." Someone sang out.

Oh God. He hoped nothing else would happen to convince him otherwise.

"With a boy so sunny and sweet~!" Someone else chimed in.

"Even though he's barely off his mother's teat~." More and more people joined in with their own improvised lyrics and melodies.

Yamaguchi closed his eyes again.  The others stopped by to watch him blindly select flowers by smell alone and create no less than ten gorgeous bouquets with meanings like hope, appreciation, and _friendship_ in three minutes _._ If he'd just open his eyes, it'd take less than two, but Yamaguchi didn't even want to _look_ at the rest of the Varia peons he was currently sharing air with right now.

"How _does_ he do that?" somebody (Marino according to Yamaguchi's keen ears) muttered.

"Hell if I know. Secret butler-martial art technique? But it's pretty damn awesome to watch."

Unfortunately they didn't stop coming up with more songs for the rest of the night.

* * *

**It's X27 shipper heaven. Those servants are screaming. So is Yamaguchi, but for entirely different reasons.**

**Oh Yamaguchi. If only you knew the truth.  If anyone's wondering, Tsuna's been sealed for a few months now.**

**Poor Rosebud. She just wants to play with Tsuna, but no one cares about what she wants.**

**Yamaguchi is a battle butler who's not into fighting or assassination but can hold his own against a surprising number of people. He actually started out as a butler for Vongola which is probably why he's so sane compared to the rest of the men. His backstory won't be revealed for a while but at least he finally has one.**

**This is the fic where Nana's airheaded nature and less than stellar parenting skills are actually beneficial for many people. Things would go very differently for everyone otherwise and that's not necessarily a good thing. In fact, it would be very, very bad for all the protagonists.**

**I was searching for a word to match Bento and Bench and then I found this.**

**Benne (pronounced Behn-Nee) is the Bantu-word for sesame and was brought from East Africa (Madagascar), through West Africa, and brought over to the southern United States by the African slaves. As far as I can figure out, the original was still sesame, but a different breed and nowadays most people just call the more common modern ones this. Today, depending on what part of the US you live in, Benne could mean the unhulled/black sesame seeds as opposed to the white hulled ones or it could be used interchangeably.**

**You have to speak a minimum of a 7 languages to join the Varia, but headcanon says that the upper echelon probably know at least three times as much or are at least fairly fluent in them. Not sure if this is the sort of vernacular Xanxus would have picked up when he was learning, but I figure that this is one of those random trivia things that you never really forget even though it doesn't have a big (or any) impact on your life.**

**OC Profiles:**

**Marino Acerbi- A Lightning user with a bit of a control issue with his flames whenever he gets too excited. It's about the level of a strong static shock, but he's still not allowed to go near gas stations or other such fuel sources without someone to watch over him as he tends to fry things when he sneezes. Contrary to what his name implies, he's actually quite friendly and sociable.**

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted here
> 
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9752257/1/The-Varia-Next-Door


End file.
